scooter is not very excited about watching roseanne with me when i get home from my morning job. perhaps this should make me feel guilty; i know he'd rather i run around with him for a bit. instead, it only makes me question his judgment. what rational dog wouldn't want to sit and watch the best sitcom ever?

this roseanne episode is really heavy though, so maybe i don't blame him. i love this show so much. every couple of years i rediscover it, and watch it daily for a bit. i was always really envious of their family. my family had more money than they did, but in my family, we didn't get to fight like they did. if there's anything i truly wish was different in my life- now and in the past- i wish i knew how to fight without worrying that the person i'm fighting with will abandon me forever. i went for a time trying to avoid conflicts of all kinds. this, it turns out, is impossible. so now i tend to resort to ugly and really mean spirited occassional outbursts. roseanne was really so ahead of her time. as crazy as that family was at times, they spoke to each other so openly. oh my god, roseanne talking to dj about why she hit him and how her father hit her, and dj saying "i'm sorry you got hit" and roseanne saying "i'm sorry you got hit too." makes me want to cry. ok, whatever, maybe i did cry a little.

i don't think scooter would mind watching roseanne if rebecca was here. he misses her, and i do too. i've never known someone i can be around so much and never get sick of. everything is better with her around.

lately, i'm serving at the restaurant again, and i'm kind of loving it. i keep thinking about 10 or 15 years from now, and how i have no idea where we'll be or what will be happening in life exactly, but i know that without a doubt i'll look at this year and the ones surrounding it as some of the best of my life. the people around me make up a community i thought existed only in shows like "gilmore girls." i know someone at every place that i shop, all the banks, the corner stores, every restaurant and bar is filled with familiar faces. every few cars that i watch pass my house is driven by someone who i recognize or who recognizes me. how awesome is that.

i have no doubt that someday somewhere else, i'll have an amazing life with new people and old people in it to varying degrees, and i can be really happy in a new way. but i want to make sure i remember this time as the first time i've ever been really happy and felt certain that the people who love me will not abandon me.