i am a healthier person in nashville, and i've been thinking about why. in san diego, it's so easy to disappear- i regularly went missing, even from the friends i am closest to. here, it's impossible. you can avoid a phone call, but you WILL see that person within a few days- grocery shopping, getting coffee, at the goodwill across town- there is no escaping community in nashville. it can feel smothering at times, but for serial recluses like myself, i think it's a good thing.

and, now that i'm living with rebecca, i have another person to be accountable to. not in a weird, possessive way, but in an "i can't watch meryl streep movies for 3 days straight while avoiding all outside contact and only ordering in" way. now, when the reclusive mood hits, i get to cuddle with someone and emerge a few hours later into the real world.

i know i am perceived still as a socially anxious hermit at times, but i feel more a part of a place than i ever have. work is so much better than it was a few months ago. i am back to being a full time coffee girl/almost full time manager at the coffee place now, and i look forward to my sporadic serving shifts at the wash. i have more time with rebecca, i have almost every night off; it's really wonderful.

i write all this as i settle into an afternoon of avoiding phone calls and watching "the last waltz." rebecca's gone for what seems like an eternity, although it's less than 5 more days, and i'm off work tonight. i just returned from visiting her in kentucky, and i am so lonely without her. (it's so amazing to find someone who you would always rather be with than without. i never imagined...)

life is my jam.