to bean or not to bean

so... what to do now...

i'm in the process of phasing myself out of the cook position at the wash. i feel a bit complacent still though because i know i can stay to some extent probably as long as i want to. and, even after i've officially left, i'm sure i'll fill in here and there.

so basically i'm left with a job for anywhere from 1 month to an indefinite date, and now it's all on me to make the proper changes.

to be honest, i feel a little bit loserish, going from a food service job to (almost definitely) another one. maybe it's being surrounded by people who are furthering their education, while i have none to speak of. maybe it's the way my current state reminds me of a much more depressed (not to mention humiliating and regrettable) past. or maybe it's just me, feeling inadequate and worried i'll never get further than slinging coffee for tips.

but the truth is that i like slinging coffee, and one day would like to do it for an actual profit. i picture owning a shop that is unique and adorable, one that is staffed with efficient and skilled employees. i have a really specific idea in my head when i think of my shop, and i can't wait to do what i want to do without some disinterested owner breathing down my neck and paying me next to nothing.

so what now? i feel like my departure from the wash is on its way to being a really smooth and good thing, and i have high hopes that i will transition smoothly to something more suited for my interests.

but will i still feel like a loser at the end of the day? somehow i've got to learn to accept where i am and where i'm going, or change the direction. because this self pity is pretty boring, considering i'm the only one who can change this shit.